Break expectations. Bootstrap it through an esoteric-enough system. Write an Uxn emulator in assembly targeting the cushy environment that UEFI has and you've got a system with graphics, a text editor, a spreadsheet editor, an assembler, games, and maybe even more. I have a Z80-powered email appliance that can be loaded with programs from a connected device. Whoever is breaking my trust in trust surely won't have planned for that.
This automated analyst isn't going to be able to run usefully on hardware that is still otherwise useful, giving you a clear path to choke it out or identify its presence when your hello world is taking 3 months to finish compiling.
Absolutely true, but even tentacles and eyes will struggle to fit in a system compact enough. Even on larger systems, there is an upper limit on how many tentacles you can cram in something before you can't continue the facade that there are none. And an upper limit on how esoteric the tentacle is before it stops being worth it.
