> Maybe, as a culture, we should emphasize MORE the health of the family, of the duty and honor it brings to raise kids and less on the "perfect" romantic relationships of the parents?
That ship has sailed. We live in a culture that not only has doubled down on the idea that the happiness/romance of the marriage is far more important than children, but even tells us that the marriage itself must dissolve when unhappy or this will do damage to those kids.
Imagine going to work and telling a coworker that your marriage is a disaster, but that you and your wife are considering staying together for the sake of your kids. What would your coworkers say? Do any of us know anyone that we believe might tell us "hey, that's a good idea, and I hope it works out that way for you"?
It shows us where our priorities as a society and culture lie.
Even if someone could intellectually admit that this assertion of mine was correct, it has inconvenient implications. The larger culture war around us relies on the idea that children simply aren't important to a marriage.
It's not entirely his decision as to whether that investment or availability is called upon, there is the ex-wife's decisions, and others (e.g. court) that have bearing.
I'd be hard-pressed to ever find such a person. The ones you're thinking of didn't stay together for the sake of the kids, they stayed together for some other reason... that's just the excuse they used. Maybe they did it to avoid the scorn of their own parents, or the shame of it (mostly gone in the late 20th century but still found in tiny little pockets, Catholic communities, etc.).
People who were doing it for the sake of the children wouldn't admit it to anyone, for fear that their children might overhear whispered gossip, thus defeating the whole purpose.
Instead of having parents who regarded each other with something between disdain and seething resentment depending on the day of the week, they were much happier apart and I was able to build better relationships with each.
I also discovered that without my mom screaming at him several times a day, my dad was a much better person, and without my dad having the option of being a lazy sack of shit (to this day he has never changed a diaper), he decided to start actually trying at being a dad. I only wish they had divorced sooner.
Divorce is wonderful. I've known a lot of people who probably shouldn't have gotten married but not one single time have I known people who gotten divorced and though "gee they really should've stayed together".
That ship has sailed. We live in a culture that not only has doubled down on the idea that the happiness/romance of the marriage is far more important than children, but even tells us that the marriage itself must dissolve when unhappy or this will do damage to those kids.
Imagine going to work and telling a coworker that your marriage is a disaster, but that you and your wife are considering staying together for the sake of your kids. What would your coworkers say? Do any of us know anyone that we believe might tell us "hey, that's a good idea, and I hope it works out that way for you"?
It shows us where our priorities as a society and culture lie.
Even if someone could intellectually admit that this assertion of mine was correct, it has inconvenient implications. The larger culture war around us relies on the idea that children simply aren't important to a marriage.