Attitude really does determine your subjective success. Because if you have a good attitude you can find optimism and success in almost anything.

Trained for a half-marathon, only to get sick and miss / fail it? On the surface that looks like a failure, but it's really not. The real success is the training, the weight you lost and fitness you gained. Or even if you didn't lose weight, the muscle and habits you gained which will make it easier to lose weight later. Or maybe you don't even need to lose weight anyways, especially since you probably lost fat. The big race is only a demonstration of your training results.

Spent 6 months working on an app but never released it? That it can actually be a big "success" if you learned a lot from development. I can vouch that I've become a much better developer by making apps which were never released, and learned concepts from functional programming which I probably wouldn't have learned otherwise, because I wouldn't have seen the point.

Built a company only for it to go bankrupt? Same as above, you get experience so that you'll do better next time.

Idk how much attitude affects your objective success. Attitude won't help if your goal is flat-out unachievable or you don't have the luck / skill. I think the real reason attitude determines success is that, if you have a good attitude, you can basically change anything into a success.

There is also the reality that looking at things in that positive light tends to surface opportunities, more than looking at things negatively.

If you’re feeling like you’re doing well (despite the occasional hiccup) and will be successful, it’s easier to be open to a new advisor, or a new employee, or a new investor. If you’re constantly obsessed with how it is going wrong, you’re constantly going to be focused on how these too could be a disaster.

As with many things in life, it’s a balance. If you never recognize a risk, or recognize bad decisions as what they are and the factors behind them, then you’ll get scammed a lot or constantly be blundering around repeating mistakes (potentially). If you hyper focus on them, you’ll cut off all your opportunity and be constantly trying to guard an ever shrinking pie.

I'm not really sure what the point of living in this permanent copium state of mind is.

If you can change anything into a success then success is meaningless because it cannot be lost, it has no value. It's a sort of cowardice or unwillingness to accept genuine failure upfront.

You don't need a good attitude, you need a respect for truth. Built an app and turns out you wasted a year of your life? At least accept that fact because there's more honesty in it than trying to rationalize it away.

That’s a struggle I have at my current employment. I work in a county where failure is not accepted at all so we all have to pretend every project is well planned, has ample time to complete all features before the deadline, and be optimistic about it all. These things are never true but no one wants to say the emperor has no clothes. So instead we go full steam ahead towards the wall and whoever brings that up gets lynched. The result is always the same: we deliver a subpar software product, that barely works the way it was expected to, after a few weeks or months of crunch, it is very hard and costly to maintain, the customer is pissed, and we’re all told by our managers that we suck.

How can you cope then? I’d think it’s healthier to see the monumental failure for what it is (and thus, not sound optimistic, especially when you’ve seen this happen in other projects before). Or should you hide your head in the sand and keep pretending like everything is peachy and this time it’s different, the project won’t fail like the dozens before it?

"When you fail... pretend you had... a different goal... all along." Okay, got it.

When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

Turns out, the original goal sucked, and I shouldn't have set it

The Pivot Doctrine.

For me, the bigger issue is really energy. I usually want to work, study, etc. How often do I have the mental spark of sufficient strength to tackle tough programming problems, or read really technical material? Certainly less often than I'd like.

IMO attitude is important, but equally important is managing your energy levels and optimizing your life around the ups and downs. Find habits and routines that promote energy, and avoid habits and routines that drain energy. This can actually be harder than it sounds to figure out.

I struggle with fluctuating energy levels. When my energy level is good I can excel. When my energy dips, I have to put a lot more work than the average person to keep moving forward (or even stay awake).

When I was younger I had an overly optimistic attitude. I'd end up planning a lot during a phase of high energy only for the gas tank to empty. On days/weeks/months with low energy, it led to a lot of stress.

Rubicon - wondering if you can recommend any readings, links or books on energy management. What you described is the crux of my life limitations. When I have energy, I can do almost anything...and when I have no energy...can't do much of anything. All of other factors become secondary, and proper management of energy is not something I'm very conscious of, nor have good strategies for.

What works well for me is to 1) work smart not hard, and 2) pace myself. I plan ahead to make everything require less energy, easier and (if possible) more fun. And then I listening to my emotions so I don't push myself too hard, which overwhelms me or drains my energy later.

For example I make sure to go running every day. But I only set a minimum like 15mins, and it takes like 5min to get ready. And I can always get a Lyft or slow down if I get tired. This leads to me running for hours which are really like 10 10-min increments, because I can stop whenever I want, but I'm also out there so there's no point in stopping.

Also do things that feel easy and natural for you in particular, and don't make things unnecessarily difficult. For example, I don't waste time trying to "study" (stare at papers). I skim them over and re-read / lookup stuff when necessary, because that's how I learn.

You'll hear from others about getting good sleep, exercise, diet, etc. I think that planning ahead and listening to your emotions helps with that too. For example, eat when you're hungry, but eat healthy and have something relaxing to do after you eat so you don't over-eat. Also, you don't have to spend 1hour cooking and cleaning, I can microwave frozen veggies and heat up meat in a skillet in 5min, and then clean the 3 dishes I use in 2min. For sleep - sleep when you're tired, but if you need to set a schedule, wake up at a fixed time and your sleep should correct yourself.

I don't have any good books but this is exactly how I feel about myself. I spent a decade trying to get better with my management of energy. Apologies if these are too obvious or basic.

* Sleep is important. Not too much.

* Sleep on schedule is helpful, if you can do that.

* Food and diet play a factor. Don't rely on processed food/sugar too much or it will bite you down the road.

* Exercise. The fitter you become the better your energy level. My body is like a battery. I need to recharge with exercise or the battery capacity will deplete.

* Mindfulness (be aware of thoughts and stressors, don't let them consume the thought process)

* Meditation can help you learn to relax

* Momentum. Small progress daily can make you feel good and is more sustainable than big bursts then burnout. Keep the ball rolling.

* Develop habits and routine

* Identify your weaknesses and chip away at those with small habitual adjustments or scaffolding

* Work systematically so you can work when your energy is low

* Life balance - we can't be a machine. You may need to recharge in nature or around people.

* Surround yourself with people who are positive (vs negative) and have lots of energy. Their enthusiasm can be helpful.

* I used to use copius coffee or stimulants or supplements or whatever worked in the moment but nothing will fix this. Save some of those aids for those days when you need them.

I never mastered this. I got a bit better at life, however I had to realise, I can only work to my strengths.

These are great suggestions and they even appear to be in priority order. Nice.

I think the problem of "energy" is a tough one to solve because often what we mean by "energy" isn't what we think. I find it's easier to think about what we're trying to do. If my goal is to write more quality code, then this is actually a function of more than just my energy.

The problem is that the line between these factors is somewhat blurred. Energy influences focus, and motivation influences both focus and energy. Lack of knowledge can sometimes feel like lack of focus. etc.

- Knowledge - Energy - Focus - Motivation

The last one, motivation, is the biggest wild card for me. It can be the source of huge productivity. When I feel motivated, it's almost like a 2x or 3x modifier to energy and focus.

There are days when I have energy, and I can focus, but I just don't feel motivated to work on programming... even if, I want to. I often describe this as, "I want to want to work". In other words, I want to work, but I'm just not feeling it at all. I'll generally read a book or something in those instances.

I agree with you on those four key factors.

Motivation is difficult but if I have structured plans and start small, then motivation can build as I make small amounts of progress.

I found motivation doesn't have to be there to start, it can be created as long as we see a task/milestone that is not impossible (assuming the end goal still aligns with our objective/future outlook).

We can become re-motivated by taking a break, visualising the end goal or exploring our feelings that brought motivation early on and try revisit / recreate these.

Focus / Energy is a bit more difficult. On days where I have tiredness, fog or bad focus, it doesn't always clear up if I get started and push on. I have the knowledge in my head but the connections are not quite firing, an opaque feeling, recall is bad, reading is harder, progress is slow, motivation does not come.

thevagarant - thank you so much. This is a very detailed strategy plan.

I can see so many places I work against myself here. I think the main one is hoping that the things that draw too much energy do not. Like over investing in work.

Also some people seem to have so much more energy to work with! And comparing myself to them seems not to help at all.

It will be interesting to figure out my min/max from this Lensa.

Thank you again!

Much to think on here.

But what influences your attitude?

One thing I noticed when I studied with predominantly upper middle class people (business school) was that they all had what I like to call a competitive "winner" mentality.

Most went into new situations determined to win/succeed, and when I questioned some of my peers on this, I was told that most of them had received positive feedback (albeit being pushed) since they were kids, in most aspects of life. School, sports, social life, etc.

I guess that if you've had cheerleaders around you since you were 5, it must have affected your self-esteem in some positive way.

Now, what I wonder, is how regular people can develop such attitude, more or less on their own. Fake it 'til you make it? Incrementally become successful at things?

I think it is genetic (with some parental / environment contributors).

If I look at my children, one has a get up and go attitude and the other is low self esteem. This from a very young age. The one with get up and go attitude is up early in the morning. The other struggles to wake.

Two parents with get up and go attitude may pass a genetic trait. Having a lot of energy makes it easier to engage, persevere and compete.

If your kid struggles to wake, is it possible they need more sleep? Is their sleep restful enough? Do they snore or have a tongue tie? (If so, you should have a sleep study done, they may have sleep disordered breathing and need corrective surgery like I do. sleep disordered breathing is highly underdiagnosed, almost everyone who snores has it to some degree.)

In my view, waking up in the morning should never be a struggle. It shouldn’t even require an alarm clock. If you go to bed early enough, so you’re asleep 8.5h before you need to wake up, and you wake up at the same time every day, and you’re still tired, you probably have something affecting your sleep quality or nutrient balance (iron deficiency, hypothyroidism, etc) you need to fix.

It's not so much sleep duration (unless we carry a gene that require 11 hours sleep)

Thanks for the info, I'll look into the tongue tie, this I did not know about. Sleep apnea and stuff I've looked at but it doesn't seem to be that.

The other aspects, I don't know yet. They are young so doctors would not do much yet as they are fine once they get out of bed (maybe they'll grow out of it, I don't know).

I also had this issue most my life. I spent a lot of money checking for deficiencies or known causes. I do on occasion have to supplement b12, vit-d, iron. I came to the conclusion that some people absorb nutrients better than others or if there is a reason then very difficult to find the cause.

There’s an easy diagnostic for tongue tie. Have them open their mouth all the way and then (without closing mouth slightly) try to touch their tongue to the roof of their mouth just behind their front top teeth. If they can, they’re fine in that department. Otherwise, it might be worth taking them to a specialist.

Do you or your kid sleep for 11h at a time? If that happens regularly without a clear cause (e.g. getting very little sleep the night before), please have a sleep study done, that isn’t normal and sleep disordered breathing will slowly kill you and make you stupid. Another indication is sleeping with your mouth open.

Now I am curious :) I'll get a sleep study as my father most definitely would be a candidate for sleep apnea (can hear him stop breathing, his father the same also). I dismissed it as I rarely snore. A while back asked partner to monitor me, they always said I appear to sleep soundly but move a lot, same as my daughter.

11 hours seems normal for the child. For myself I normally sleep 6-8 hours (no choice) though I don't feel rested without 10-11 hours.

We function, but when compared to others I see rise bright and/or energetic in the morning, well it is rare I feel that way.

Have rich parents shielding you from any negative consequence and providing a financial fallback.

My experience says otherwise: children and young people who could rely on their parents' wealth tended to be complacent and bored, or spent their time doing some expensive hobby for fun. They had their life secured, so why bother.

But there were exceptions, too. My grandma used to say that someone was born with a "propeller up their backside" [0], e.g. totally relentless. I met such types of all classes. Not everyone concentrated on business, but they all had a lot of drive towards their goals.

[0] It rhymes in Czech: "s vrtulí v prdeli".

This seems overly dismissive.

Be mindful of survivorship bias.

Lest people on twitter start posting pictures of the hypothetical WW2 planes that came back.

Good thing I grew up in zip code with super positive vibes

Who says people in third world countries aren't successful?

They do, but it is hard to make it on good attitude alone. Afganistan is a country of 30 million people but 0 VCs.