HN and tech spheres can tend to have more people (especially male) who struggle with socialising with others and romance on top of every other part of the human condition. To that end, I recommend (in order):
Robert Glover - No More Mr. Nice Guy
Mark Manson - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
Mark Manson - Models
For those looking into reading into masculinity (to understand yourself or other masculine people:
David Deida - The Way of the Superior Man
Moore & Gillette - King, Warrior, Magician, Lover
Zan Perrion- The Alabaster Girl
Disclaimer: Some of these books I recommend are not going to be based on much research and science, or delve into more abstract forms of thought and draw inspiration from other sources (e.g. Eastern). Nevertheless I believe they are useful frameworks of thought that can provide value, and it's good to engage more "mythical" ideas at times.
@TheCapeGreek -- I saw this comment a few days ago, I bough the book you recommended `Robert Glover - No More Mr. Nice Guy` and I read it in a day. I will be replaying it again and again and working hard to apply principles from it. I just wanted to thank you! The recommendation in your comment is changing somebody's life (mine). Thank you.
Personal favourites are David Deida's book which is great on understanding relationship dynamics; and Zan Perrion's book which is great in cultivating and perceiving depth in relationships.
Without any doubt The Art of Doing Science and Engineering by Richard Hamming. I have accomplished more in 5 years after reading it than I did in 15 years before. Much of it I attribute to the change of perspective the book brought about for me and to the fact that I have a vision of my future now. It also helped develop my own style.
Second would be The Language of Mathematics by Baber. As someone who did not do well with math in school or uni but was always good with languages and programming, I have benefited greatly from it by finally “getting” math.
I was Googling your suggestions and found out that Richard Hamming has series of lectures on Youtube. I'm two hours into them and they're excellent. Thanks for your suggestion.
Here's the link for anyone else who might be interested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hhXS6cODQg&list=PLctkxgWNSR...
I'll second The Art of Doing Science and Engineering. Oustanding book that covers problem solving approaches, traps to avoid, and how human interactions deal with tech.
"Thinking fast and Slow". It took around four and a half months to read it. I got the answers to some of the great mysteries related to human behavior.
For example,
- Why don't good people keep their promises?
- Why do people don't change their miserable life when their actions could change many things?
- Why does charisma trump intelligence in most of the debates?
- Why is it hard to change a habit?
- Why do people judge so quickly.
It had a profound impact on me. After reading that book, I stopped trying to be silent when I was feeling angry.
I invested in my relationships with family and friends a lot.
I realized the biggest problem in the Tech industry is not the technology but the people. I became empathetic to introverted people.
The Elephant in the Brain is a similar book, it talks about the hidden incentives that everyone has. Once you read it and understand such incentives, you understand why things are the way they are.
For example, why is education so focused on work rather than learning? One answer is due to credentialism, specifically for employers to know whether you can sit for 8 hours and do work for them, just as in school.
The premise was simple: In 1959 a white reporter used makeup to make himself have black skin. He then traveled around the southern USA. Even as a child it was easy to see how people treated him differently even though he was a white man underneath. The racism was undeniable.
Animal Farm, 1984, and Fahrenheit 451 gave me even more reasons to question authority.
On the other hand, if you are not spiritual and somehow feel life is about more... maybe try one of the holy scriptures.
I myself have been profoundly affected by The Bible. It has inspired many people over the centuries and remains the best selling book of all time. It provides innumerable famoous quotes. It's been credited with amazing things.
If that's not your cup of tea, try scripture of a different sort. Religion in general is said to be associated with increased generosity, well being and peace of mind. (Backed by many studies, of course.)
It's by nature a topic fraught with controversy. No matter which scripture you choose, it will be highly offensive to somebody. (But maybe if somebody else knows about it, you may not be doing it right.) You'll never know unless you try. In this day and age, religion is a source of comfort to many.
Maybe I'll live long enough to get religion again? Such possibilities don't trouble me. I suspect 25 years was long enough to absorb most of the valuable lessons, qualities, and comforts available through religion.
Try again, and then again - the layers of meaning in the Bible are profound if you have the intellect to dive into them. It's brilliant in addressing different problems at different stages of life and ultimately about consciousness and something beyond. I'm not advocating it as a belief, just try trusting it and not setting up a straw man. Read "the divine conspiracy" by Dallas Willard or 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson.
Carlin's hilarious, but it's all an act. Everyone in show business knows that and it's not something to base your life on. If you can find a better way to live, Jesus would be the first person to tell you to go for it. Jordan Peterson did a great series of Biblical lectures you can listen to them on YouTube or Podcast. They were incredible.
Mort, by Pratchett. It is a great introduction to the Discworld and one of my favorite books ever. It is a good read over the holidays and you’ll be thinking about some of the lines in it for years to come.
“ History isn't like that. History unravels gently, like an old sweater. It has been patched and darned many times, reknitted to suit different people, shoved in a box under the sink of censorship to be cut up for the dusters of propaganda, yet it always - eventually - manages to spring back into its old familar shape. History has a habit of changing the people who think they are changing it. History always has a few tricks up its frayed sleeve. It's been around a long time.”
Surely you're joking Mr. Feynman! I first read it as a college student and have read it many times since. Feynman was a fascinating character. Reading about him taught me to appreciate the value of curiosity.
What Do You Care What Other People Think? is another book by Feynman written in the same style. I think Surely you're joking Mr. Feynman! is better but love both of them.
While it hasn't "changed my life", I'd like to post a solid +1 for this here.
I just blasted through the audiobook version (which is excellent, btw!) of the 20th anniversary 2nd edition two weeks ago, and might be able to share another perspective on this.
As someone who hasn't been in the industry since the 90ies, I find absolutely astonishing how basic some of the stuff is, yet my own workplace environment is full of people ignoring most of these "obvious" ideas. So if you're feeling like you're re-iterating "common sense" ideas (like: implement things orthogonally if possible; write tests; try out concepts before implementing them completely…) without them seeming to stick, this book is a great resource to point people to.
It's great to know that someone actually described those ideas and wrote down the thought process behind them. If only so you yourself don't have to argue for them over and over again…
I think part of the reason it gets less attention these days is because so much of it is considered common sense now, back then many coders didn't get it yet from my experience.
Of course now we've come more or less full circle and gone all into institutionalizing the methods used to break the status quo.
What do you or the author mean by "implement things orthogonally?
I (somewhat) know what the word "orthogonally" means, but not sure what the phrase means in this context.
That's an interesting metaphor because I picked it up somewhere else, but it might well be that Hunt and Thomas actually coined this phrase in "The Pragmatic Programmer".
If you think of orthogonality in geometry, you can describe any N-dimensional vector space through a set of N orthogonal vectors (say the unit vectors in X, Y, Z). "Orthogonal" in this case means that moving something along one of those (say the X axis) won't alter its position from any other base vector's perspective.
In the same way, "orthogonal implementations" is a way of saying that the things are independent from each other. You can find their explanation in the Google preview for the book [1].
So, say you write utility code for a couple of applications, for example: Message transmission and subscription management. Then, you should try and keep both as independent as possible from each other, so that as a downstream user I won't have to pull in or even "massage" both just to use one of them.
As I wrote before, that sounds totally obvious when said out loud; yet I constantly find new examples where someone found a way to unnecessarily "complect" [2] multiple things.
Code Complete is a similar very good one, with a deeper focus at somewhat a lower level of abstraction, maybe, but still covering other levels, including human aspects. I prefer the first edition.
Maybe not A book, but some books that helped me change my behavior just a little bit.
Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five - if you're thinking of having children or have young children already. This book gives some good insight on possible, data-driven ways to raise a happy and smart kid. I currently have a newborn and have altered some ways I behave around her. It also helps to think about how you were raised, and if that impacted the way you are.
The Mind Illuminated: A Complete Meditation Guide Integrating Buddhist Wisdom and Brain Science for Greater Mindfulness - if you're into meditation, I think this is the book to get. I started out with Headspace and this book takes it to the next level.
How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big: Kind of the Story of My Life - This was an entertaining book on how Scott Adams failed and succeeded. He gives some practical tips on what he did to get to where he is. Of course, there is survivorship bias, but I found some of it helpful.
The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism - People aren't born Charismatic. You can practice it.
Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It - A book about negotiation. I used to hate negotiating. Heck I still do. While I might not use the exact tactics outlined in the book, it helped me realize that I should try to negotiate more. And it might have helped me to get good deals or better salary just by asking.
> "It also helps to think about how you were raised, and if that impacted the way you are."
For people interested in this area, I can also recommend "The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read: (And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)" (author: Philippa Perry).
The Splendid and the Vile by Erik Larson. This is a factual account of 1940 and 1941 England, told as a day by day or month by month narrative describing Churchill and his close circle as the Germans ramped up their bombing campaign.
It reads like a thriller, and it taught me so much about the history of the war that I never learned in high school or college.
I grew up studying in a catholic school. Once a teacher that was involved with the convent, teaching us some logic basics, gave us some copies from the chapter 2 of Carl Sagan's The Demon-Haunted World as a recommended lecture. Could get the whole book and read it and ended becoming an atheist.
Although I am an avid reader and have been reading on average 1 or 2 books each week for the past 15 years, I don't think I've ever read a book than "changed my life". Looking back, I think the most impactfull book for me was The Art of Loving (1956) by Erich Fromm because it opened up a world of psychology and psychoanalysis and significantly altered my view on how humans think.
Among the classic fiction the best so far were: T. Dreiser - The Bulwark, S. Maugham - Of Human Bondage, L. Tolstoy - The Kreutzer Sonata and E. Zola - l'Oeuvre & Germinal.
Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski. It is sold as a book about human sexuality, with a somewhat click-baity subtitle, but turned out to be a beautifully compassionate invitation to self-acceptance and kindness in the context of sexuality, trauma, relationships.
It has some of the best-written (no-fluff, non-patronizing, direct-while-gentle-and-kind) description of trauma and dealing with trauma of all kinds.
One of the life-changing premises for me (paraphrased): 1 in 5 to 1 in 3 women have had trauma-inducing experiences, from sexual coercion to assault to rape. While only 5% of the population acts as (mostly male) perpetrators, there are all these other (also majority male) partners who live with the women carrying the trauma and dealing with it. Doing this without any kind of understanding or education is very difficult, and even a small amount of understanding goes a long way.
There's a book called Show Stopper!: The Breakneck Race to Create Windows NT and the Next Generation at Microsoft by Zachary, G. Pascal
The book itself is pretty interesting but there's one line in there about how Dave Cutler always takes his vacations on time, every time without question.
It never goes into any more details but that seemed totally at odds with what I expected? At least when hustle culture and the idea that leaders don't take breaks seems somewhat prevalent nowadays (or at least in the mid-2000s)
As someone whose parents don't take vacations all that often, and came from a small town where there's that sort of "I'm a good person because I work harder than you" mentality, I was kind of hoping Cutler might reveal his philosophy of why he takes holidays without failure.
Maybe he just likes holidays and I'm over thinking it haha
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig. The only book I've read twice (at about 18 and again in late twenties.) Deep thoughts on the contrast between "pragmatic" vs "romantic" perspectives on life, and the meaning of "Quality".
Pale Blue Dot, by Carl Sagan - A beautiful perspective on our place in the Cosmos, and how convergent scientific discoveries can be. I think his model of how we learn about our own planet from studying other worlds applies more broadly to learning and knowledge in general - we can learn so much by exploring and solving new problems.
This is more provincial, but I think Neal Stephenson's Fall; or, Dodge in hell makes important statements on the current and (possible? likely?) state of the future of the Internet. It's inspired me to start several projects lately - that drive is why I love good sci-fi.
In the book, Gladwell examined how police officers made decisions. He looked at multiple scenarios and broke them down into thin slice moments. I’ve been pulled over seven times since reading that book. I know better about what the police officer may be anticipating , and more about their training. So when they approached my vehicle I watch their body language very carefully, and I remain “as calm as a Hindu cow.” For whatever reason, being extremely calm, and saying nothing unless I’m asked the question, throws them off so much that you can see this doubt come across their face. Like, did I pull the right car over? Did I read that wrong? Basically, teaching me to be extremely aware of the police officers behavior and body language has helped me positively navigate seven traffic stops
Answer to the title question but not the second one: I decided to go into computer science after reading "The Turing Omnibus" by A.K. Dewdney. It was like my brain was let loose in a candy store. I must have been insufferable that summer, always talking about Boolean logic and perceptrons and Turing machines and NP-completeness.
Answer to the second question but not the title one: "The Friendly Orange Glow" by Brian Dear is a well-written history of the PLATO computer system and, most importantly, of the community that grew around it.
The Alchemist and Eleven Minutes from Paulo Coelho
These books taught me to take risk and importance of being different.
“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” — Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
“Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn't have the courage to say "yes" to life?”
― Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes
Nonzero: The Logic of Human Destiny by Robert Wright about biological and cultural evolution shaped and directed by "non-zero-sumness" or synergetic interactions.
The Fountainhead, but not for the cult reasons. I found it a beautiful book about staying true to your vision / life even when the rest of the world is giving you shit and trying to shut you down. I love Atlas Shrugged for the same reason. I read it as the importance of doing what you love, even in the face of massive adversity.
Read them multiple times in my late teens / early 20s.
Endgame, by "LoGan". My older brother was into PUA stuff, I was dumped recently so he recommended me to read some things. All the other books and blogs were like "you have to do this one trick to get laid", but this book was a bit deeper. It changed my mind about being a happier and more fulfilled person by myself, and don't stress over being liked by other people, which in turn makes you more likeable.
Sounds like the right way to go! For further reading, look at:
Models - Mark Manson
No More Mr. Nice Guy - Robert Glover
What also helped change mindsets to positive-by-default interactions with potential partners, I recommend The Alabaster Girl by Zan Perrion. Very flowery book, but an enjoyable read and at worst a decent mode of mind to consider.
I don't know if I would recommend it liberally to anyone nowadays. But it influenced me a lot in how I perceive the world, myself and my relationships with other people.
For mental health and spirituality the Bhagvad Gita. Definitely not what I expected originally and had put it off for years/decades. After reading it, I felt a bit blissed out, what actually led me to read it was another book on taming our mind called The Yogasutras of Patanjali. I feel like it hasn’t been ‘discovered’ yet by the west but it had life changing consequences for me (for the better).
Capitalist Realism by Mark Fisher. It links together Postmodernism in the cultural, social and economic domains, and makes a compelling case for the damage that over-applying it has been. It made a lot of ideas click into place, and made me see that a lot of 'the way things are', wrt the damaging aspects of Neoliberalism in particular, are not only contingent but accidental.
The Black Swan, by Taleb, because at the time it was particularly relevant to my work and since then has also impacted my decision making process more generally.
The Re-enchantment of Art, by Suzi Gablik. I hated it when I first read it but then after reading it a second time realized she was right about a lot of things.
Rudolf Carnap - An Introduction to the Philosophy of Science
Maybe it didn’t “change my life” but as a physics/math student this was probably the single book that most affected my internal ideology, by simply raising so many questions I hadn’t ever considered (or if I had, it was clumsy and inadequate).
Endurance: Shackleton's Incredible Voyage to the Antarctic - Name says it all. Shows what people can endure when pushed to the limits. If the story wasn't true you wouldn't believe it happened. After reading it you'll never moan about being cold or hungry again
Up From Slavery by Booker T Washington. Teaches you anything is possible despite your circumstance. Thankful my kids have read it and taken it to heart. This should be a must read for anyone IMO.
More recently, Disparities and Discrimination by Thomas Sowell was a real eye opener for me.
If you want a fresh perspective on Christianity and religion generally, read the Book of Mormon. Even if you’re not religious at all, it has lots of moving stories that have helped me understand how to get along better with people I disagree with or with difficult life circumstances.
For me it was "The Basic Laws of Human Stupidity" by C. Cipolla. A very short book that illustrates, in a subtly-humorous way, how stupid people are far more powerful than one would think.
K&R rightly gets lots of attention, but the C64 Programmer's Reference Guide, David Lien's BASIC manual for the TRS-80 Model I, and the 1981 IBM PC Technical Manual are in the pantheon of great "How to program/design for your new computer" documentation that influenced uncounted thousands of eager hobbyists.
Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid by Douglas Hofstadter. Brilliant synthesis of thoughts on logic, reasoning, programming, artificial intelligence,…
not OP but I do wish that the lobster metaphor was the worst part of the book. I think Petereson is a great speaker and he makes interesting points but his writing drags on and on. I could hardly finish the 12 rules of life, although I thoroughly enjoyed his lectures and interviews.
God to agree with the parent, his audio books are excellent. If you like Petersons work and lectures get Maps of Meaning on audio books, it's excellent.
Robert Glover - No More Mr. Nice Guy Mark Manson - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck Mark Manson - Models
For those looking into reading into masculinity (to understand yourself or other masculine people:
David Deida - The Way of the Superior Man Moore & Gillette - King, Warrior, Magician, Lover Zan Perrion- The Alabaster Girl
Disclaimer: Some of these books I recommend are not going to be based on much research and science, or delve into more abstract forms of thought and draw inspiration from other sources (e.g. Eastern). Nevertheless I believe they are useful frameworks of thought that can provide value, and it's good to engage more "mythical" ideas at times.