I know how mandates work. I was just coming up short for a better word. You haven't really said anything I didn't already know, (possibly because you didn't think I understood the point, which is fine. I didn't do a good job saying what I meant), but I will respond to one statement.

"The states can receive (refuse?) without punishment, they simply can't receive the contingent federal funds."

This isn't really true, in my opinion. They really are punishing the states. The money they are willing to give out in exchange for cooperation does not originate with the federal government, it originates with the people of the states. By taxing the people, they are depriving the states of revenue. By not giving it back because they are not cooperating, they really are punishing them.